📝 Green Flags & Red Alerts: What to Really Look For in a Relationship

When it comes to love, we’re often taught to spot red flags. But what about the green ones? The gentle signals that show someone is emotionally mature, kind, and ready to build something real?

In this piece, based on our conversation with relationship psychologist Susan Quillian, we explore what really makes a relationship thrive—so you can spot both the beauty and the warning signs.

💚 Green Flags to Look For

1. They’re genuinely curious about you.
   If someone listens, asks questions, and remembers the small things you share, it’s a powerful sign of presence and care.

2. Kindness flows through their actions.
   How they treat the server at a café says as much as how they treat you. Kindness isn’t performative—it’s consistent.

3. They show up when it counts.
   Whether you’re going through a crisis or just need a small favor, a good partner will be emotionally available—not just physically present.

4. They have their own life.
   Someone who’s engaged in their own world (hobbies, friendships, passions) is more likely to build a healthy, balanced relationship.

🚩 Red Flags We Often Overlook

1. They talk a lot—about themselves.
   If, after 30 minutes, they haven’t asked you a single question… it can be a red flag, not confidence.

2. They’re stuck in the past.
   Still processing an ex or childhood trauma? It’s valid, but if the past takes up all the oxygen, there might not be space for the present—or future—with you.

3. They disappear emotionally in hard times.
   If your crisis is met with indifference or distraction, it may be time to reflect: Are they truly capable of holding space for you?

⚖️ Why Balance Is Everything

Susan speaks often of balance—between giving and taking, between focusing on yourself and on the other person. A great partner isn’t perfect, but they’re willing to grow, listen, and show up.

Real connection isn’t about constant bliss. It’s about consistent care.

💬 Final Thought

Love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. It should feel like home.

Look out for the green flags. Take the red ones seriously. And most importantly, remember: you deserve a relationship that brings peace, not chaos.

Listen to the full episode here: https://linktr.ee/thekollectiveinstituteofideas